The 5 Pillars of BDSM

T H E F I V E P I L L A R S O F A B D S M R E L A T I O N S H I P

One of the first things I learned was how important trust, honesty,
respect, communication and tolerance within the lifestyle was. These
are what I call the five pillars. I feel they are important not only
for BDSM and the D/s lifestyle, but important in every relationship you
have.

As we take a look at each, I will give you the Dictionary definition after
each word, then my thoughts and opinions. I hope that you will see the
importance of each, as I have.

Trust

- Confidence or faith in a person or thing; care or charge. I am the
type of person that trusts everyone until you give me reason not to
trust them. My trust is not based on what others say about you, but
what you say or don’t say, what you do or don’t do. But, I am also not
blind or stupid. My trust is guarded until you have earned it
otherwise. Which means, that though I trust you enough to get
acquainted with you, I am not going to trust you to tie me up and beat
me until you have earned my complete and unguarded trust.

Honesty

- Not lying, cheating or stealing; having or giving full worth on
value. Honesty in everything is what earns the trust of another. You
cannot have full trust in a person until they first have honesty. By
being vague or leaving parts out, that is dishonesty and your not being
absolutely truthful. This goes for if your Dom asks how you are doing,
and you leave out the part that you have a headache, then that is not
honesty. By being dishonest and not telling him everything, he may plan
to have you do things that could aggrivate the problem more, or could
become harmful and dangerous. Also, you are hindering him from doing
his job and that is protecting you.

Respect

- To show consideration or esteem for; to relate to. I must have
respect for my Dom to be with him, and I feel he needs to respect me.
This I feel is more important than love. I have loved others before
without respecting them, but this is not the kind of love that I want
or need. That kind of love is destructive. Respect should come before
love both ways.

Tolerance

- To put up with; to recognize and respect the opinions and rights of
thers; to endure; to suffer. It doesn’t mean I have to agree with
everything. I can have opinions of my own, just as you have opinions of
yours. For example, I don’t like nor do I think you should do brown
showers. It is my opinion that they are dangerous and gross. But, if
that’s your kink, then I won’t condemn you for it either. If you ask my
opinion on it, I will give it, but you have a right to your kink and I
can tolerate that. Just don’t ask me to do it. If I were to have a Dom
that enjoyed doing this, then part of the negotiations would include
how he could be satisfied and not include me.

Communication

-The act of transmitting ideas through writing or speech. I save this
one for last cause I feel that it is the most important and that
without communication, you cannot have the other four. As a slave, I
have learned notonly how important communication is, but also how to
communicate. Communication should be done with respect and honesty. It
should be complete, the whole story, if you leave something out, it can
and usually will lead to misunderstandings. It’s not only important on
what you do say, but what you don’t say.

These are the five pillars of BDSM and the D/s lifestyle. Whether this is
just playtime, part time, or 24/7, you need to have all five. Also, you
need to know your partners well enough to be honest with them, to trust
them, to respect them, to be able to communicate with them, and yes, to
tolerate each others kink.

The Superior Miztress Sophie